They Will Always Exist

    I think I have a very heightened awareness of feelings. I can feel people's feelings for myself. Some call this empathy...I just call it experience. 

    I think that I know what a lot of pain feels like. I know what it feels like to have no one there...or think you have no one there when you really do. I know the feeling of putting on a brave face and saying everything is going well, but crying until your stomach hurts when you get to be alone. I also know the feeling of not wanting to ask for help, or being upset that no one apparently sees you. I just know. I have a lot of experience with a lot of different feelings and that is because I let myself feel them. 

    Now I can say all of these things and I can genuinely understand those deep and dark and truthfully exhausting feelings, but I cannot fix them. I don't have the power to snap my fingers (omg Thanos again wow) and make them go away. (Boy, I wish I did though...I would be snapping all day and all night)

            Sadness. Will always exist. 

                        Guilt. Will always exist.     

                                        Fear. Will always exist. 

                        Jealousy. Will always exist. 

            Loneliness. Will always exist. 

    There are so many feelings that just make us feel like absolute crap. There are so many of these feelings that we really all do experience. All of us. If you are reading this and you are saying to yourself that you have never once felt sad in your life, then you are either Gandhi or need to march yourself to a computer and start writing us a how-to book. The truth is, we all feel it. We all feel bad sometimes. Some of us are really lucky in that feeling bad does not happen often. Some of us (me) are really unlucky in that feeling bad happens...often. But I want us to change that. That does not make us unlucky. 

    I no longer feel unlucky for feeling those incredibly dark feelings a lot. Honestly, I am lucky that I do. I am lucky because while I know that sadness, guilt, fear, jealously, loneliness and so much more exist, I also know that: 

            Happiness. Will always exist. 

                    Peace. Will always exist. 

                            Help. Will always exist. 

                    Excitement. Will always exist. 

              Love. Will always....always.....exist. 

    I cannot promise you, readers, very many things. I do not know you all. I can't promise with certainty things to people I do not know. But I can promise this. To everyone. There will not be a day that you are living, that love does not exist. There will not be a day where love is absolutely nowhere in the world. Can it come close to? Sure. Does it feel like there is no good and love in the world sometimes? 100%. But there will always be something out there that loves or is there to love. 

    When I talk about feelings on here, I often mention the sad ones or let's say more unfortunate ones. I do that because they are the ones that aren't necessarily accepted as well by the rest of the world. But like I said above, they will always be there and they will always exist. However, it is important to remember that they exist alongside all of those really amazing feelings. 

   Where we as people run into problems is expressing our feelings, even the really yucky feeling ones or the ones that are scary to express. Sure, it is easy to express that you feel hungry or you feel tired. That rolls off the tongue really easily for almost everyone. But is it easy to say that you feel like you deserve better? Is it easy to express that you love someone? I don't think so. But I really think it should be easy. At least easier than what most people make it seem. Your feelings are yours and I am just going to go out and say it to people, that more times than not...you can't control them. And I am not just talking about the whole "you can't control who you fall in love with" feelings, but even the "I do not know why but I feel like something is off" feelings. There may be absolutely nothing tangibly "wrong" with a situation, but sometimes I just feel like something is. A lot of people call that overthinking, anxiety, or worrying.  Sure, maybe it is for some. But maybe it isn't for others. The truth is, it does not matter why you are feeling something or the reason behind a feeling, it matters only that you feel it, and that is enough. I am going to repeat that so you have to read it again: 

It does not matter why you are feeling something or the reason behind a feeling, it matters only that you feel it, and that is enough. 

    (This is now when I circle back to the main point, the title, the big huzzah...okay here we go)

    All in all, feelings are always going to exist. The good, the bad, the ugly, the uncomfortable, they will always be there. So feel them. Feel them with no resistance. Do not fight them. Let them happen. Trust me. Even if it is just for a second. Let your mind feel, even if it is uncomfortable. Then take the next step and express them. For the love of all things above just express how you feel. It does not matter how they are received, responded to, rejected, or maybe even ignored. They are good enough. They matter enough and are valid enough to be expressed simply because you feel them in the first place. So say it. Say it confidently, fearlessly, and most of all, say it truthfully. Anyone who gets upset at you for expressing a feeling needs to learn something about life called growing up (or maybe read this blog). Tell the person you love them, miss them, care for them, appreciate them. Tell the person you are annoyed by them, frustrated with them, disappointed in them. Or tell them you are sad, happy, confused, scared, or unwell just for no reason at all. And tell yourself how you feel is okay. 

Feel, express, and be proud of everything you feel, because even if you hide the way you feel about everything and everyone...it will always exist. 

xoxo