Invisible but Noticed

 

In light of recent events and social media posts circulating, I could not help but write. 

Mental health is real. 

        Mental health is important. 

            Mental health is physical health. 

                    Mental health matters. 

We have all heard those by now. We are lucky enough that we can hear that and the world is adjusting to that. (for those who have not heard those, they are true :)) 

But the most real thing I can say, and especially during times like this: 

    Mental health is confusing. 

        Mental health is frustrating. 

               Mental health is exhausting. 

                        and sometimes...

                                    Mental health is downright scary. 

I want to be here to say that the emphasis on mental health and emotional self-care that has started to infiltrate the world is one of the most important and needed movements of all time, but it is also one of the most confusing to be a part of. I often ask myself, how am I supposed to put emphasis on, raise awareness for, pay attention to, and take care of something I do not even fully understand? I remember when I first started to educate myself on mental health and mental illness, it was after I had already figured out that what I felt was not within the "norm." In essence, I was reading a textbook about a test I had already taken. Studying for an exam today that happened yesterday. Educating ourselves and stressing the importance of being there for one another and paying attention to others' mental health after a tragedy is natural, it is important and it is the right thing to do. However, think about how many tragedies we could avoid if we did the educating beforehand. Think about how many failed exams could have been avoided if you studied beforehand. 

Like all things, this is easier said than done. Heck! I would say I am pretty educated on all of this stuff, but still struggle sometimes and still fail to recognize struggle in others. We cannot all be perfect. We cannot all be therapists. Honestly...if we all had a degree in psychology and were certified psychiatrists...tragedy, loss, and hurt would still happen. However I am not trying to throw a pessimistic view at you, I am being real. Because I know that you can study for days and clock in a million hours at the library, but still fail a test. But I hold on to doing all I could. I hold on to knowing that I put everything I had into that test. 

(if you are not with me on the symbolism here it is okay maybe just refer back to paragraph 2 and you will be in great shape again) 

So what do we do? What is "doing the best we can"? Well cool cats and kittens, I cannot answer that for you. In reality, doing the best we can is you doing the best you can in that moment. But I will tell you what I believe and share my mindset after what has happened so recently to maybe shed some light.  

Don't just check in with your friends, family, and anyone in your life that you care about. Don't just ask them how they are doing. I know for a fact that when I am experiencing my really low lows, the words "I am good!" are cemented to my lips when in reality I am the furthest thing from good. The truth is, we go into autopilot at that point. It is almost a reflex for us to just say we are fine when we are not. So, I am not saying that you should not check-in and ask your people how they are. I am saying that you need to do that, but you HAVE to continue to and you HAVE to trust your gut. If someone gives you a response that is peachy on the outside but you can tell or have a feeling it is glum and hurting on the inside...start paying closer attention to that person. 

That is what it comes down to for me. I am very observant of who I am around. And no, not in a creepy way like I am going to watch how you eat string cheese and if you usually pull it apart and then bite into it one day I am going to tell you to go to therapy way. Be observant of how the people in your life are acting, what they are saying, pick up on their norms. That way, when you do check-in (even if you are not concerned about the person at all when you do) and they give you a response that gives you that gut feeling that they are struggling, you will know to pay attention to and recognize anything that may be off. When you notice those behaviors...continue to follow up and continue to show that person extra love and support. Buy in to understanding how the people you love work. Commit yourself to understanding and recognizing what makes them tick, what makes them tense, and how they react. You will be surprised at how much you notice. And what you notice could be the first step to saving that someone from a lot of pain. 

 

(I know from experience that it is very easy sometimes to just put on a facade that everything is going okay. I know how easy it is to go about my daily routine normally, but end my day feeling like there is a 50 lb. dumbbell on my heart. So, if you are struggling right now, I see you, I will listen to you, and you are so far from alone even if you think you are. Whatever you are feeling right now reading this is okay, and your struggle, pain, and battle is temporary, I promise. I know you are exhausted and frustrated and sometimes want to give up and stop studying for that stupid test. But you can do this. We can do this. Because that test you are studying for that is your life and your mental health...is the most important test you will ever study for. You can do this. Just keep going) 

Remember...mental health and mental illness are completely invisible.

So pay attention. 

    In fact, pay very close attention. 

        We do not do that enough. 

                Have those scary and confusing and hard conversations with yourself and with others.

                         Trust your gut. 

                                Never assume. 

And never fail to realize that every single person has an exam they are studying for...so tutor them...don't let them fail.