Sometimes, Everything Sucks.

 

Well. The title is true. Sometimes everything just completely sucks. Sometimes life just feels like it is out to get you. This post is to show everyone that it is not just you who feels like the world is against you and never wants you to succeed or be happy. And hey maybe you feel like now it is just me and you who the world hates...don't worry I got you, we can get through it together :) 

As an overarching theme of the last month or so of my life, change has been everywhere. While I will spare you of the details, many things in my life are no longer what I had gotten used to. Some for the good, some for the worse. But if I am being honest, for a while, it felt like everything was for the worse. I remember one night sitting in my bed I was staring at my ceiling and just thought to myself: 

Can everything please just take a pause?  

I felt like I had been running sprints for weeks and never got to take a break. But while running the sprints, there was someone way ahead of me that I could not catch up to no matter how hard I tried. That person in front of me was my life. It felt like it was just running away from me. I felt like I was just watching my life speed ahead, but I was trailing far behind. 

I take great pride in my ability to pay close attention to my emotions. When I feel anything at all, I feel it very intensely (I am a Cancer so like not surprising). This means when I feel excited and happy, I am consumed by it and feel on top of the world. This means when I love, I love intensely and will go above and beyond for the people I love. However, this also means I feel sadness, disappointment, jealously, and so on...very intensely. So, when my life is changing and feels like it is running away, I feel lost and sad and confused. That consumes me. 

Will things ever feel normal again? 

    What did I do to deserve all of this? 

            Why can I not feel happy? 

                        When will these feelings stop? 

So to circle back to the title, I call these blips in life when I am consumed by very negative and heavy emotions "Everything Sucks Moments" Because honestly, that is the most raw and simple name I could give to moments when I feel like how I described above. During my Everything Sucks Moments, my brain doesn't rest. My body doesn't rest (I genuinely turn into an insomniac I am not kidding it is 3:30 in the morning right now). I cannot do anything but think about what is going wrong and think about how it is going to get worse. Trust me, I read all the Instagram quotes, do all the journaling in the world then burn the piece of paper, listen to every piece of advice, talk to people, distract myself, take a bubble bath, do a face mask, read a book, trust me...I try it all. Because those are all things that we hear to do right? Honestly, I would recommend doing all of those things! Because most of the time, they work they really do. But what we rarely hear is that sometimes that stuff does not work. Sometimes nothing is going to work. Nothing can fix it. "It" being whatever is going on in life that just...well...sucks. Sometimes there is just genuinely nothing that can be done. I am here to tell you that that is okay. 

Sitting with emotions is not what we learn to do when growing up. We are told that when we get sad to think of something happy. When we get scared, imagine you are in a safe place. When we cry, we are told jokes to make us laugh. Basically, growing up, we were taught that if you do not feel okay or good or happy, you had to change that. News flash people...you do not have to change that. My goodness people feel that!!!! Feel sad, angry, disappointed, crushed, broken or damaged, don't try and just brush that off.

I will be totally honest here...sometimes the We The Urban Instagram quotes just don't do it for me that day. Sometimes that bubble bath makes me think more about the bad. And one of the hardest things that I have learned is that sometimes the advice people give me, only makes me feel worse. In other words, while the advice may be excellent, I feel like sometimes I just can't do what they are recommending even though I know it is right and would probably help. Essentially...sometimes everything just sucks. But it is okay to sit with that. 

When I go through times like these, I have to try and step back even for 30 seconds and think to myself: 

Oh my god oh my god oh my god. 

Okay. 

I am going to say it, this is bad and everything feels terrible. 

Like literally everything is so bad. 

I am gonna feel this, I can take it, but I cannot wait for this to be over.  

When I think that to myself even for a tiny second, I validate how I feel...because it's the truth! At that time everything does feel terrible and bad, but I can also take it, and it is also not going to last forever. Being able to validate my own emotions and sit with them is something that took me a very long time to start doing and I am still learning how to do it well, but it allows me to really have time to understand what I am feeling and understand the "why" behind it all. It is so important to not only recognize what you are feeling but why you are feeling it. Finding that why can allow you to think logically instead of purely emotionally. 

When I lay in bed at night after a day that feels like it went directly into the Everything Sucks Moment column...I allow that feeling that everything is absolute dog poo to lay with me. I allow it to be there, hang around, let me get to know it, but tell it that it absolutely cannot overstay its welcome too much. And it won't...I promise. 

So, if you are reading this and you are going through an infamous Everything Sucks Moment in your life...I am with you and I understand how you feel. I encourage you to literally look in the mirror and say "welp this is awful" and then simply walk away. Let yourself feel it all and then let yourself let it all go when it is time. And it may not feel like it right now, but it will be time. I promise you are going to sprint faster than ever and be able to catch up with life. You are going to be able to rest easy, breathe easy, and think easy again. This is not going to last forever, even though it feels like it will. 

Trust me, if I know anything about Everything Sucks Moments is that they always and I mean always pack their bags and go. 

You are never alone. What you feel is okay and it is absolutely valid. You are going to get through it. Even if you have to go up and around and over and down to get there, you will, I promise. 

xo